In no way shape or form do these jokes express the views of Humor Playground.
They are only meant for your personal enjoyment.
What do you call a fat Chinaman?
A chunk.
What do you call a Puerto Rican midget?
A speck.
What do you call three Irishmen sitting on the lawn?
Fertilizer.
What do they use in a Mexican baptism?
Bean dip.
What's brown and has holes in it?
Swiss shit.
How do they say "fuck you" in Los Angeles?
"Trust me."
What do you call a Mexican with a vasectomy?
A dry Martinez.
How do you get forty Haitians in a shoebox?
Tell them it floats.
How many Mexicans does it take to grease a car?
One, if you hit him right.
What are the first three words a Puerto Rican child learns?
"Attention K-Mart shoppers..."
What's eight miles long and has an IQ of forty?
The St. Patrick's Day Parade.
Why don't Mexicans have barbecues?
The beans fall through the grill.
How do you keep an Englishman happy in his old age?
Tell him a joke when he's young.
Did you hear about the Italian who emigrated to Poland?
He raised the IQ of both countries.
What do you get when you cross a Mexican and an octopus?
Got me, but it sure can pick lettuce.
Why do Italian men have mustaches?
So they can look like their mothers.
Why do Mexicans have such small steering wheels?
So they can drive with handcuffs on.
What does NAACP stand for?
Negroes Are Actually Colored Polacks.
What do you get when you cross a Chinaman and a hooker?
Someone who'll suck your laundry.
What's black, white and red all over?
An interracial couple in an automobile accident.
Did you hear about the man who was half Polish and half Italian?
He made himself an offer he couldn't understand.
Why didn't the black man want to marry a Mexican?
He didn't want the kids to grow up too lazy to steal.
Why did God give Mexicans noses?
So they'd have something to pick in the off season.
How many people does it take to bury an Italian?
Two. There are only two handles on a garbage can.
Why are there no Puerto Rican doctors?
Because you can't write prescriptions with spray paint.
How many people does it take to bury a Puerto Rican?
Five. One to lower the Puerto Rican, and four to lower the
radio.
Why do Mexicans eat refried beans?
Ever see a Mexican that didn't fuck things up the first time around?
Why do Italians bury their dead with their asses sticking up out of the ground?
So they'll have somewhere to park their bicycles.
How come the Mexican Army only used 600 soldiers at the Alamo?
They only had two cars.
How many people from New Jersey does it take to change a light bulb?
Three: one to do it, one to watch, and the third to shoot the
witness.
Did you hear about the football game between Italy and Poland?
The Italians started arguing about who was going to be quarterback
and walked off the field, and three plays later the Poles won.
What are three occasions on which an Italian man visits his priest?
His first communion.
When he gets married.
Before his electrocution.
Do you know about the world's shortest books?
Polish Wit and Wisdom
Jewish Business Ethics
Italian War Heroes
Negroes I Have Met While Yachting
How can you tell there's an Irishman present at a cockfight?
He enters a duck.
How can you tell a Pole is present?
He bets on the duck.
How can you tell an Italian is present?
The duck wins.
Sammy Davis Jr. stepped onto a bus in Jacksonville, and the bus
driver said, "N**ger, get to the back of the bus."
"But I'm Jewish," protested Davis.
"Get off."
"Help! Help!" cried the young woman as she staggered up the steps of
the police station. "An Irishman molested me!"
"How'd you know he was Irish?" inquired the sergeant at the desk.
"I had to help him," she gasped."
"Dad," said the kid, "can I have five dollars to buy a guinea pig?"
"Here's ten dollars, son. Go find yourself a nice Irish girl."
A Jew, a Hindu, and an Irishman were traveling together, and as
night fell they came to a little country inn. The innkeeper explained
apologetically that only two beds were available in the inn but that he would be
glad to make up a comfortable cot for the third man in the barn. So the
three travelers drew straws, and it fell upon the Jew to sleep in the barn.
In a few minutes, there was a knock on the door, to which the
innkeeper responded. "I'm so sorry," explained the Jew, "but there is a
pig in the barn, and my religion forbids me to sleep under the same roof as a
pig."
The Hindu had taken the next straw, and out he went. In a few
minutes, though, there was another knock, and the innkeeper opened the door on
the Indian fellow. Apologizing gracefully, he explained that his religious
persuasion forbade him to share shelter with a cow, and there was indeed such a
creature in the barn.
Finally, out went the Irishman. In a few minutes there was yet
another knock on the door, which the innkeeper answered. On the sill stood
the pig and the cow.
An Italian, a Pole, and a black man moved out to California to seek
their fortunes. The Italian and the black got jobs right away, but weeks
went by without the Pole finding employment. Finally, one evening he
announced to his roommates that he had a big interview the next morning at nine
and, setting the alarm well ahead of time, he went to bed.
In the middle of the night the other two snuck into his room,
smeared his face and hands with blackface, and set the alarm forward. When
it went off in the morning, the Pole leaped form his bed, pulled on his clothes,
and dashed off so as not to be late for the critical interview.
The interviewer invited him with an apologetic expression on his
face. "I'm sorry to have brought you here for nothing," he said, "but I'm
afraid we simply don't employ blacks."
"Blacks! What are you talking about?" sputtered the Pole.
"My name is Joe Bukarski!"
"I'm so sorry, Mister Bukarski, but we simply don't make any
exceptions in our hiring policy."
"But I'm not black!"
"I'm sorry you're taking it so hard. You may not think you're
black, but have you looked in a mirror lately?"
The Pole got up and went over to a mirror near the door.
Staring in disbelief at his undeniably black reflection, he stammered, "Oh my
God-they woke the wrong guy!"
The Italian and the Polish parachutists were arguing about who was
best at folding a parachute. Unable to resolve their dispute on the
ground, they decided to go up in the plane and judge by the mid-air performance
of their chutes. The Pole jumped first, pulled the cord, and started
floating toward the earth. The Italian jumped, pulled the cord-and nothing
happened. He pulled the safety cord-nothing. In a matter of seconds
he whizzed past the Pole, plummeting like a stone.
"Oh," shouted the Pole, yanking off his harness, "so you wanna
race!"
A Jew and a Chinaman were in a bar together. The Jew brought
up the subject of Pearl Harbor, reprimanding the Chinaman for the disgraceful
role his countrymen had played. He protested vehemently, pointing out that
the raid had been made by the Japanese, and that China was in no way to blame.
"Japanese, Chinese, they're all the same to me," reported the Jew.
Pretty soon the Chinese fellow started talking about the tragic
sinking of the Titanic, asking the guy if he didn't feel some degree of personal
responsibility about it.
"Hey, wait a minute!" protested the guy. "The Jews didn't have
anything to do with the sinking of the Titanic-it was sunk by an iceberg!"
"Iceberg, Goldberg," said the Chinaman, "they're all the same to
me."
An Italian, a Jew, and a Greek were walking down the sidewalk
when-ZAP-a bolt of lightning came down and killed all three instantly. Up
they went to the gates of heaven, where St. Peter greeted them warmly.
"Saint Peter, you can't do this to us," they protested. "We're
young men in the prime of life. Please let us go on living."
St. Peter pondered the issue. "Well," he finally pronounced,
"I'll let you go back to Earth on one condition: that from this moment on, you
all promise to abstain from your one most favorite activity."
The young men lost no time in giving their fervent promises,
and-WHAM-found themselves back walking down the sidewalk. What should they
come across on the corner but a pizza parlor. The Italian broke into a
sweat. Unable to resist temptation, he dashed in, ordered a slice, took a
bite, and-POOF-vanished in a puff of smoke. The Jew and Greek were
understandably sobered by this event and continued walking, when a quarter
rolled across the sidewalk.
His eyes lighting up, the Jew bent over to pick it up.
And the Greek disappeared.
The English teacher in a public school in Spanish Harlem decided it
was time for the weekly vocabulary lesson. "What's the difference between
select and choose, Ramon?" she asked.
"Select is when you pick something," he answered, "and choose are
what Puerto Ricans wear on their feet."
An Irishmen, a Frenchman, and a Pole walk into a bar.
The Irishman orders a WW.
"What's a WW?" asks the bartender.
"A whisky and water," he explains.
The Frenchman orders next, and politely requests an RW.
"What's that?"
"A red wine, he explains."
The Pole thinks a bit, and finally leans across the bar to ask for a
fifteen.
"What the hell is that?" asks the beleaguered bartender.
"A seven and seven," answers the Pole.
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