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In no way shape or form do these jokes express the views of Humor Playground.  They are only meant for your personal enjoyment.

What's the Jewish version of foreplay?
            Half an hour of begging.

Do you know how to keep Jews out of the country club?
            Let one in, and he'll keep the rest out.

            This black guy was walking down 125th Street, kicking rubbish out of his way, when he spotted something amid the trash that gleamed strangely.  It turned out to be an oddly shaped bottle, and when he rubbed it, a Jewish genie appeared.  "I'll give you two wishes," intoned the genie.
            "Far out," said the black guy.  "First, I want to be white, uptight, and out of sight.  Second, I want to be surrounded by warm, sweet pussy."
            So the genie turned him into a tampon.

Why is money green?
            Because the Jews pick it before it's ripe.

Why did the Jews wander in the desert for forty years?
            Somebody dropped a quarter.

Why do Jews have such big noses?
            Because air is free.

What happens when a Jew with an erection walks into a wall?
            He breaks his nose.

What's a Jewish dilemma?
            Free pork.

What's the definition of a queer Jew?
            Someone who likes girls more than money.

Did you hear about the bum who walked up to the Jewish mother on the street and said, "Lady, I haven't eaten in three days."
            "Force yourself," she replied.

What's the difference between karate and judo?
            Karate is a method of self-defense and judo is what bagels are made of.

How did they know Jesus was Jewish?
            Because he lived at home until he was thirty, he went into his father's business, his mother thought he was God, and he thought his mother was a virgin.

How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
            "None, dahling, I'll sit in the dark..."

Did you hear that the limbo was invented by the Jews?
            Yeah, from sneaking into pay toilets.

If Tarzan and Jane were Jewish, what would Cheetah be?
            A fur coat.

            The Jewish grandmother was terribly proud of her four-month-old grandson, so she took him with her down to Miami Beach.  The first morning she got him all decked out, and down they went to the beach, where she set him by the shore to play.  But no sooner had she sat down in her beach chair than a huge tidal wave rose up and swept the baby away.
            "God," she said, standing up and shaking her fist at the sky, "you aren't very nice! Here was this little baby boy, whose mother carried carried him for nine months, barely around for four.  We haven't even had the time to get to know him or give him a happy life."
            In another instant the wave returned, setting the infant down unharmed on the sand.  The grandmother looked him over, looked right back at the sky, and snapped, "He had a hat!"

Did you hear about the new brand of tires-Firestein?
            They not only stop on a dime, they pick it up, too.

            There was a seventy-nine year-old mohel (that's the person who performs ritual circumcisions for Jews, in case you didn't know) who found to his horror that his hands were beginning to shake.  Needless to say, in his line of work that was a serious liability, and he dashed off to see if he could get some sort of insurance policy.
            A week later the insurance agent called him up.  "Listen," he said, "I've got some good news and some bad news."
            "Let me have it," said the mohel.
            "Well the good news is that I can get you a million-dollar policy, for one hundred dollars a year, no problem," said the agent.
            Wiping his forehead in relief, the mohel asked, "So what's the bad news?"
            "There's a two-inch deductible."

What's the difference between circumcision and crucifixion?
            In a crucifixion, they throw out the whole Jew.

            The devout Jew was beside himself because his son had been dating a shiksa, so he went to visit his rabbi.  The rabbi listened solemnly to his problem, took his hand, and said, "Pray to God."
            So the Jew went to the synagogue, bowed his head, and prayed, "God, please help me. My son, my favorite son, he's going to marry a shiksa, he sees nothing but goyim..."
            "Your son," boomed down this voice from the heavens, "you think you got problems. What about my son?"

            God's cleaning house, and he comes across these Commandments taking up valuable closet space.  So he goes down to earth and offers them to the Roman emperors.  "Not interested; we're too busy having orgies," is the response.  Next God tries the Pharaohs, but the answer comes back, "Sorry, too busy building pyramids."  Finally giving up, God takes a walk in the desert, where who should God run across but Moses.  "Would you be interested in some nice Commandments by any chance?" God asks.
            "How much?" asks Moses.
            "Why, they're free."
            "I'll take ten."

            It's quiz time in the parochial school, and Brother Michael offers a fifty cent prize to the student who can name the greatest man who ever lived.
            "Columbus," offers Joey Rizzo.
            "Pope John Paul II," volunteers Jan Milowski.
            "St. Francis of Assisi," says Irving Feldman, whispering to a classmate, "I would've said Moses, but business is business."

What's faster than a speeding bullet?
            A Jew with a coupon.

Did you hear about the new German microwave?
            It seats twelve.

            An Arab and a Jew walk into a museum.  The Jew sees a statue of Adolf Hitler, says "Tsk," and spits on it.  The Arab looks puzzled and asks the Jew why he did such a thing.
            "Because he almost killed all my people," replies the Jew.
            Just then, the Arab walks towards the statue, says "Tsk," and spits on it.
            Awestruck, the Jew asks, "What did you do that for?"
            "Because he didn't finish the job."
            TLC