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In no way shape or form do these jokes express the views of Humor Playground.  They are only meant for your personal enjoyment.

Did you hear that the Polish government bought a thousand septic tanks?
            As soon as they learn to drive them, they're going to invade Russia.

Why does the Pole always take a dime along on his dates?
            So that if he can't come, he can call.

Why were the Poles pushing their house down the road in the middle of the winter?
            They were trying to jump-start the furnace.

            A Pole suspected his wife of infidelity and began to follow her movements.  Sure enough, his suspicions were justified.  Coming home from work early, he burst into the bedroom, catching his wife and lover in the act, and, crazed with grief, he put the pistol to his own head.
            "Don't laugh!" he shouted, when his wife burst out in giggles.  "You're next!"

            A group of scientists discovered an apelike creature in the wilds which they were certain was the Missing Link.  The proof of their theory, though, required that a human mate with the ape in order to see what characteristics the progeny would take on.  So they put an ad in the paper: "$5000 to Mate with Ape."
            The next morning a Pole called up in response to the ad and said he'd be willing to be part of the experiment.  "But," he said, "I have there conditions."
            The scientists agreed to hear him out.
            "First: my wife must never know."
            "Second: the children must be raised as Catholics."
            "Third: if I can pay in installments, I'm definitely interested."

Why did the Pole spend all night outside the whorehouse?
            He was waiting for the red light to turn green.

Did you hear about the Polish starlet?
            She went to Hollywood and slept with the writer.

            The manager of a prosperous whorehouse in Warsaw one night found, to his dismay, that he was short of girls for the evening's entertainment.  Thinking quickly, he dashed out and bought several inflatable fuck dolls, figuring that, given his average clientele, no one would know the difference.  Soon he ushered a customer into a room that housed one of the new lovelies, assuring him he was in for an especially good time.
            When the customer came out of the room a little while later, the manager was waiting eagerly in the hallway.  He winked at the fellow and asked, "Well? How'd you like her?"
            "I don't know what happened," said the customer, shaking his head. "I bit her on the tit, she farted, and flew out the window."

            A stranger walks into a bar and announces to the barman, "Hey fella! Have I got some terrific Polish jokes for you guys."
            The bartender leans over to him and says, "Listen, if I were you I'd watch your tongue. The two 250-pound bouncers are Polish, I'm Polish and I ain't no midget, and every man in here is Polish.
            "Oh, that's okay," said the stranger cheerfully.  "I'll talk v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y."

Do you know why the suicide rate in Poland is so low?
            Because you can't jump out of a basement window.

How can you tell a Polish Peeping Tom?
            (Pull out front of own pants and look down.)

Why do Polish people have such beautiful noses?
            They're handpicked.

Did you hear about the two Polish hunters?
            They were driving along when they came up to a sign that said "Bear Left," so they went home.

            Two Polish hunters got themselves all set up for a weekend of hunting.  They gathered their guns and the dogs and the ammunition and the orange hats and tromped about for hours, but with no luck whatsoever.  And when they came out of the woods at dusk, they looked around at all the other hunters, who were carrying braces of pheasant and quail, ducks and geese, even a deer or two.
            "Gee," said one Pole to his companion, "everyone else seems to be doing pretty well for themselves. Whaddaya think we could be doing wrong?"
            "I dunno," said the other.  "Maybe we're not throwing the dogs high enough."

What do you call a pretty girl in Poland?
            A tourist.

            Two Polish guys went away on their annual hunting expedition, and by accident one was shot by the other.  His worried companion got him out of the deep woods, into the car, and off to the nearest hospital.
            "Well, Doc," he inquired anxiously, "is he going to make it?"
            "It's tough," said the doctor.  "He'd have a better chance if you hadn't gutted him first."

            A realtor is showing a new property to an affluent young couple, who are somewhat bewildered by his behavior.  On every landing, the realtor stops to open the window and shout, "Green side up!"  Finally, they ask why.
            "I've got a Pole laying the sod," he explains, "and I've got to make sure he does it right."

Did you hear about the guy who made a million dollars in Poland with Cheerios?
            He sold them as doughnut seeds.

Did you hear about the Polish car pool?
            They all meet at work.

How do you know when your house has been burgled by a Pole?
            The garbage's been eaten and the dog is pregnant.

Did you hear about the Polish bank?
            You bring in a toaster and they give you ten thousand dollars.

            A young Polish girl was hitchhiking along the Interstate, and a big semi pulled over to pick her up.  The driver was a serious CB addict, and the dashboard boasted an enormous CB radio.
            "That's the best radio ever made," he explained to the bug-eyed girl.  "You can talk anywhere in the world with it."
            "No kidding," she gasped.  "Boy, I would really love to talk to my mother in Poland."
            "Oh, yeah?"
            "I would give anything to talk to my mother in Poland."
            "Anything?" he asked.
            "Anything," she assured him.
            "Well, maybe we can work something out," he leered, pulling his cock, by this time erect, out of his pants.
            So the girl leaned over, bent down, and said loudly, "HELLO, MOM?"

What are the three most difficult years for a Pole?
            Second grade.

Did you hear about the Pole who had a penis transplant?
            His hand rejected it.

            Two Poles are out fishing for the day, and they have a hell of a time: fish grabbing the hooks as fast as they can get them into the water.  Finally, with the boat as full of fish as possible, they decide it's time to head for shore.
            "But listen," says Stan, "why don't we mark the spot?"
            "No problem," says Jeremy, who dives his in and paints a big black X on the bottom of the boat.
            Stan beams with pleasure, and they're almost back to the dock when his face wrinkles in consternation.  "Oh, no!" he cries to Jeremy, "what if we don't get the same boat?"

What does a Polish girl do after she sucks cock?
            Spits out the feathers.

What do Poles wear to weddings?
            Formal bowling shirts.

Did you hear about the Pole who locked his family in the car?
            He had to get a coat hanger to get them out.

            A Pole walks into his local bar and goes straight up to the bartender, who turns away in disgust at the handful of horseshit the Pole is holding.
            "Hey, Harry," says the Pole, "look what I almost stepped in."

            A young Polish guy wanted more than anything to become a cop, and went through the rigorous entrance exam, the last question of which was "Who killed Christ?"  The would-be rookie went home excitedly and said to his wife, "Honey, I think they're putting me on a murder case!"

Did you hear about the Pole who heard on the radio that 90 percent of all accidents happen within a 10-mile radius of the home?
            He moved.

Did you hear about the Polish abortion clinic?
            There's a year-long waiting list.

            One night the Pope is saying his bedtime prayers when God comes down from Heaven to listen to them.  Then, sitting on the Pope's bed, God says, "Listen, you've been such a good Pope and devoted follower that I'm going to grant you any wish you'd like.
            The Pope is overcome with emotion, and for a little while he can't think of anything to say, but then he confesses to one thing that really gets to him.  "As you know, God," he says, "I'm very attached to my country of origin. And one thing that really irritates me sometimes is all those stupid Polish jokes."
            "No problem," says God magnanimously.  "From this moment on, there shall be no more Polish jokes.  Smiling, God says, "Listen, I have to be getting back to Heaven, but before I take off, is there anything else I can do?"
            The Pope thinks and thinks, finally coming out with it.  "M&M's," he pronounces.
            "M&M's?" says God.  "Gee, I've always thought they were harmless enough, melting in your mouth and all that... but I'll be glad to abolish them if it really means a lot to you."
            "Well you see," says the Pope, "I'm not getting any younger, and it's getting harder and harder to peel them."

Did you hear how the Polish hockey team drowned?
            Spring training.

How you can tell when a firing squad is Polish?
            It stands in a circle.

How do you break a Pole's finger?
            Hit him in the nose.

What's the smallest room in the world?
            The Polish Hall of Fame.

Did you hear about the Pole who went out and bought four new snow tires?
            They melted on the way home.

Did you hear about the Pole who lost $50 on the football game?
            $25 on the game and $25 on the instant replay.

Why do Polish stadiums have Astroturf?
            To keep the cheerleaders from grazing.

            This Polish guy ordered a pizza with everything on it.  When it came out of the oven, the guy asked him if he'd like it cut into four or eight pieces.  "Make it four," said the Pole.  "I'll never be able to eat eight."

Did you hear about the Pole who had body odor on one side only?
            He didn't know where to buy Left Guard.

            Two poles walk into the post office and the first thing that catches their eye is a bunch of "Wanted" posters, in particular a shot of a mean-looking black guy beneath a banner that says "Wanted for Rape."
            "You know," said one Pole to his friend, "they get all the good jobs."

            Two Polish girls were walking down the street on a Saturday afternoon.  One looks over and notices that her friend is walking a bit oddly, with her legs far apart.  "Zelda," she asks, "why are you walking like that? Is something wrong?"
            "Hey, I got a big date tonight," says Zelda.  "My hair's in curlers."

Why are there no ice cubes in Poland?
            They lost the recipe.

Why don't Polish women breast-feed their babies?
            It hurts too much when they boil the nipples.

Why do Polish men make lousy lovers?
            Because they always wait for the swelling to go down.

Did you hear about the Pole who won a gold medal in the Olympic Games?
            He had it bronzed.

Did you hear about the Polish parachute?
            It opens on impact.

            This Pole got married, but he was too dumb to know what to do on his wedding night.
            "For God's sake, Stan," said his bride, "you take that thing you play with and you put it where I pee."
            So he got up and threw his bowling ball in the sink.

Why did the Pole jump off the bridge?
            Because she thought her pads had wings.

What do you do when a Polish tank is after you?
            Shoot the people pushing it.